Feelings you might have to face when starting a new journey of Writing.

Ever since I was a kid I wanted to become a journalist. Back in India I did my studies in eng Hons hoping that it would lead me towards my dream but I guess something else was in stored for me. I got married and came to New Zealand. Started everything all over again. Studied hospitality management don’t know why. Worked in different restaurants and cafes, cleared tables, washed dishes, served customers, became a chef and finally became a baking chef. But in the end i asked myself if it was worth it. Had to go through an existential crisis as to what I am I doing in my life. I belong to a family where everyone is successful, my dad a doctor, mom a teacher and a brother an engineer. Pressurised by the thought of doing nothing in life and not making my family proud let me into depression for a while but something happened and I found myself. Started working on my abilities to grow which I ignored for a very long time. A positivity had reached within me. I realised that life is like a teenage kid, will be angry more than joyful, will be demanding more than thankful, will be discomforting more than comfort but that kid is also carefree more than anxious. So life is always going to throw tantrums at you just like the little kid but it is up to us that how we decide to handle the kid so with that thought I started writing for pleasure.

• Felt motivated when I started thinking of writing

I am so tired ,withered off from working in the hospitality industry that I just wish I could quit right now but then the thought of survival and endurance comes into my mind. The thought of living like this with continuity gave me the courage and the strength to pursue my dream of becoming a journalist. All you have to do is ask yourself if you are happy with what you have or question yourself ‘is that what your plan was’??

With this mindset I am writing my first ever blog.

• Feeling of anxiety every time I thought about writing something

Whenever I would sit down to write something a tingled feeling would rush through my veins making me all nervous and anxious which would distort me from putting my thoughts into it. So if you ever feel that way just try and fight it because when you do you will feel so much accomplished.

• Did a lot of research

I made up my mind, did all the research for a month or so, learned about new websites and apps, started listening to podcasts, reading more books but never wrote anything. I felt I was too frightened of the fact that I would not be perfect or maybe did not believe enough in myself. I guess I was being too careful to walk through this new path that actually I wasn’t taking any more steps. So I know that its scary but its going to be so much worth it.

• Fear of people’s opinions

This is kind of an important one because we all grew up listening to the phrase “ what will people think??”. Well, specially in a patriarchal society like India. I was stuffed with this crap in my head so much that when I was out in the real world I ceased myself from caring about my own feelings. I became extremely anxious of ‘’their’’ opinions that it cost me my goals, my mental health ,my time and my beliefs. Luckily I overcame my fear of rejection and now I just don’t give a f**k about anybody’s judgement.

• Feeling of accomplishment when I actually wrote something and published it

With the thought of not giving a f**k to anyone I have now written and completed my first blog ready to be published. An achievement and a sense of pride gushing through my heart which I thought I would never be able to do it.

And now that I overcame my mixed feelings I am actually feeling grateful. And so will you so just stop thinking about it and start doing something you actually want to do it.